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A couple of footy ones for ya...though you've probably heard them already lol..

- Supermarkets are now selling John Terry Vodka. Its made in the UK but bottled in Moscow

- Ryan Giggs has said the European Cup is like a chocolate orange. "It's not Terry's its mine"

And a good one I got from my aunt lol...

- BREAKING NEWS!! The government have announced they're going to start playing porn at fuel pumps. So you can watch someone else being screwed at the same time as you!!
 

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A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend in a bar. “I had sex with another woman last night” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time”.
“You miss me that much?” she asks. “No” he says. “But it kept me from coming too fast”
 

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Man comes home from work one night, sees his wife in bed. To suprise her he crawls underneath the sheets and goes down on her. After a while she squeals and cums in his face. He goes into the bathroom to wash up and finds his wife in there shaving her legs.
"What the fuck are you doing in here?"He shouted
"Sssshh!"She said
"You'll wake your mother"
 

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An 80 year old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40minutes they shagged like bastards, arms and legs going everywhere, untill they fell to the floor.
"Christ" she said, "you didn't fuck me like that 50years ago!"
To which the old man replied,"50 years ago that fence wasn't fucking electric!"
 

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Discussion Starter #7
wife comes home from work and catches her husband wanking in the ******* , so she drops to her knees and gives him the best blow job he has ever had , and when he had finished he said "love we have not had sex in 6 years why this now ", she said "i cleaned the ******* floor this morning and i would rather clean my teeth than clean that fucking floor again".
 
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